So I’ve finally sat still for what feels like the longest time and Reflection has decided to seep into my pores so I am unable to ignore her anymore. She’s a bit stubborn, this Reflection, and at times gives me moments of pure clarity and others certainly not so.
I’m still undecided which category this falls into. She forces me look into myself and question what it is I want, what I have done and admittedly, sometimes that can be hella confronting.
Now that alone is enough to make my nerve endings twinge and dance however with reflection comes responsibility.
What is it that I’m now supposed to do with this obscure realisation/profound granite of knowledge? Remain unmoved and unchanged, my body continuing to perform the same mundane thing all the while pleading ignorance to the firepit that’s just been lit up inside me?
It’s kind of impossible, really.
As each moment passes, we get older and therefore wiser (some more so than others), and it remains difficult to act naive and oblivious if in fact, you are not.
Herein lies my personal struggle.
How can I mesh what I would like for my future into what I can realistically afford? Afford in the very generic sense incorporating all things that have their price whether that be financial, emotional, relational, physical, etc.
I realise that in all elements of our life, we make compromises. Fact. But does the answer to the struggle lie in how it is that we work through these compromises? How do we even do that effectively? Does there always need to be balance?
Through novels, rom-coms or just real life events, there seems to be a general understanding that the universe does not support the notion that all areas of your life run smoothly at once.
Hence the question around balance.
(Side note: Let me digress just a pinch. The visual representation in my mind whenever this topic of conversation comes up is one of those old-school water pails, complete with a handle and a label on it, each representing an area of my life – Career, Relationships, etc. When I think about balancing these, its literally how-full-are-these-buckets? How-much-is-spilling? Can-I-tip-some-from-one-into-another?)
And, how can we ensure even distribution across the board? So many variables to consider, it can blow my mind if I let it. Plus I’m a firm believer that your own personal outlook can heavily weigh your perception favourably or otherwise.
As young adults we learn to prioritise the ‘have to’ against the ‘want to’.
As adults we learn to prioritise the negotiables with the non-negotiables.
As parents we learn to teach the fundamentals of rules and play.
Perhaps as we grow older we learn that Reflection and responsibility go hand in hand.
Without one, there may not be the other?